well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
