I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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