well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
