HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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