I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can I color on your dick again?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
