Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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