I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
