The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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