So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
