Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
