I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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