the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
