I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
