If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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