Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
