I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
