i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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