Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize