Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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