Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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