Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
