I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
