Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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