Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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