I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
