WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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