So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
