rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
