actually, I'm a sock model
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize