yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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