you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize