It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
