Plan B is the new Plan A
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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