fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
