Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
