He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
