I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You did what with his pubic hair?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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