just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
