ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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