I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
