WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize