i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
