if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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