Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
