I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
