Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
