Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
