He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
