I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
