I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
