I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
