pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
