I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize