Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The beer is more important than you right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
