he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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