Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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