Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
