smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
