i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
