God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
