watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
