it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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