Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize