i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
