Best friends brother. Beat that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
