if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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