i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
