he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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