Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize