I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
