dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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