Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
