We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
