Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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