man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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