I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
