they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I understand Curling. That high.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
