I hate your face
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
